Monday, 9 April 2007

MARRIAGE-A-RONI: THE SAN FRANCISO TREAT

( A scene at City Hall in San Francisco )

CLERK: “Next.”
T&J: Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license.”
CLERK: “Names?”
T&J: “Tim and Jim Jones.”
CLERK: “Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.”
T&J: “Yes, we’re brothers.”
CLERK: “Brothers? You can’t get married.”
T&J “Why not? Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?”
CLERK: “Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”
T&J: “Incest?” No, we are not gay.”
CLERK: “Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?”
T&J: “For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don’t have any other prospects.”
CLERK: “But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”
TIM: “Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”
JIM: “And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”
CLERK: “All right, all right. I’ll give you your license. Next.”
J&J&R&J: “Hi. We are here to get married.”
CLERK:”Names?”
J&J&R&J:”John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.”
CLERK:”Who wants to marry whom?”
ALL: “We all want to marry each other.”
CLERK: “But there are four of you!”
JOHN: “That’s right. You see, we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”
CLERK: “But we’ve only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”
JANE: “So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!”
CLERK: “No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”
JOHN: “Since when are you standing on tradition?”
CLERK: “Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.”
ROBERT: “Who says? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”
CLERK: “All right, all right. Next.”
DAVID: “Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”
CLERK: “In what names?”
DAVID: “David Deets.”
CLERK:”And the other man?”
DAVID: “That’s all. I want to marry myself.”
CLERK: “Marry yourself? What do you mean?”
DAVID: “Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.”
CLERK: “That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!”

5 comments:

The Truth said...

This was not a bad first attempt. However, you begin to drag on your running gag and the reader gets bored very easily. I say end with a Monkey in a business suit wanting to wed some kind of citrus fruit, and you have a good short story there.

Heywood Jablome said...

That is so funny! I bet Fred Phelps and his godhatesfag.com would think it's just a hoot.

But Fred thinks all Canadians are fags too, so I guess you're gonna burn in hell like everybody else.

You so funny man!!!

Heywood Jablome said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dorothy Gale said...

I don't get it.

Jemdude said...

The point of the post is that it is not going to stop at gay marriages. There will be further changes later on.