Sunday, 15 April 2007

Young Marriages (For Christians and other conservative minded faiths)

NOTE: This topic is for Christians and other conservative minded faiths that believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. If you don't believe this, then don't post your answers as I am not interested in you. Such posts will be deleted.

This is the most controversial view that I support because both conservative and liberal minded people do not like it.

Conservative minded people support abstinence. There is nothing wrong with abstinence. However, when you ask these people when youth are deemed ready for marriage, they will usually say around the ages of 25-30. I believe this is too long of a time period for many people to wait. If you tell a bunch of teenagers that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and at the same time, say that they won't be ready for marriage until the ages of 25-30, do you really think they will be encouraged wait? Some will, but a lot of them will not. They will just end up engaging in premarital sex thinking to themselves, "Well I am not going to be ready for marriage until several years in the future, so I might as well have some sex now in the meantime".

Liberal minded people believe in "safe sex". That is, as long as a condom is used, it's okay for youth to engage in sex. They acknowledge that youth have sex drives and that many of them do not have the will power to wait several years into the future when society deems them ready for marriage. The problem with this approach is that it compromises conservative religious teachings such as Christianity, that teaches that sex should only take place in marriage. Christians and other religions that have similar teachings should not have to compromise their faith in order to accommodate their youth's sexual needs. Also, condoms and other forms of birth control are not fool proof. In other words, it helps to reduce the risk or pregnancy and STDs, but they do not eliminate the risk.

What are the reasons why I promote young marriages among Christian youth and young adults? Because it combines the best of both worlds. Because the sexual activity is taking place within marriage, it doesn't compromise Christian teaching. It also promotes monogamy. Also, if they go through a series of premarital counseling and the wedding itself, these young couples might take their relationship more seriously as husband and wife than if there were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Birth control can be used if they don't want children. If you are Catholic, you can use a certain natural method to avoid having children at the woman's fertile times.

The Bible verses that I use to justify this are these:

1 Cor. 7:1-2 (NKJV) says, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and each woman have her own husband."

1 Cor. 7:8-9 (NKJV) says, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

The Wisdom Party of Quebec supports this view. They believe that the age of marriage should be abolished so that teenage girls can marry the father of their children. If the guy is a good man, then the teenage mother can cope with her situation much better than if she is left by herself.

Now I need to clarify some possible misunderstandings about what I support:

1) I do NOT support quick marriages. I am referring to young couples who have been seeing each other for at least 2 years and who plan to marry anyway. But instead of putting that marriage off in the far distant future, they might marry after high school graduation.

2) I do NOT support marriages just to have sex. The couple have to sincerely love and care for each other in addition to wanting to have sex with each other or the marriage won't last. Sex may not be the number 1 reason for marriage, but according to one pastor, it is the number 3 reason. So while it's not number 1, it's still one of the most important aspects of marriage. Most people do not marry someone if they have no sexual interest in them.

As I said, I only want Christians and other faiths that believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin to respond. I am not interested in arguing with people who find nothng wrong with sex outside of marriage.

Here is a good article on the subject:


The Truth said...

NOTE: This topic is for Christians and other conservative minded faiths that believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. If you don't believe this, then don't post your answers as I am not interested in you. Such posts will be deleted.

It's actually kind of cute how you're demanding to hear from only like-minded individuals, because you can't handle a debate about topics.

and before you jump down my throat. Sex in a marriage is my first choice, in a monogamous relationship second, and casual sex.... well casual sex just doesn't sit that well with me.

Jemdude said...

I'm not trying to avoid debate since a lot of people are not going to agree with my viewpoint, including my fellow Christians.

I put that note up there because only conservative religious minded people are going to care about sex only being within marriage. It would be a waste of time for me to convince a non-believer of something that they could care less about.

Most non-believers are going to say that teens are ready to engage in casual sex or have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but are not marriage; and that Christians and other conservative religions should compromise their faith. That is not the kind of debate I want to get into.

The Truth said...

I'm anything but conservative, but I don't believe in "Free Love" that thought was 40 years ago, and it's quite dead.

That being said. It's foolish to think that ALL teenagers are going to abstain until they marry. Some are just not capable of it.

And you have me as a supporter believing the media has shown that casual sex is "okay". I don't think it is.

Jemdude said...

Well, since you have something intelligent to say, I'll let you have your say.

I agree that not all teens are going to wait until several years in the future to engage in sex after marriage. But I want to deal with the problem without compromising Bible teaching on the subject. That's why I think the churches should promote marriages at earlier ages. In fact, current laws allow it. In most places in Canada and the U.S., a person can marry at 18 years of age. With parent's permission, a person can marry as young as 16 years of age.

The Truth said...

but if the teenagers aren't emotionally ready for something as heavy as sex, what makes them ready for something as complicated and difficutl as a lasting marriage?

50% of marriages end in divorce, this statistic is shouted from the rooftops, It's also easy to see by who you know is divorced. I would not reccommend allowing kids younger than 18 to be wedlocked. I think the States have .. correction had laws that allowed marriages under 18 if the woman was with child, but the last of those were wiped off the books. I think law states 18, and frankly with hindsight, I think 25 is barely the age you can fathom it.

Society always has had this little "dark secret". It didn't creep up on us one day and here it is. We have to accept that some will not wait, no matter what we tell them. Its for those that I recommend some smart education about sex. I think that with an emphasis on abstinence (not abstinence only, NPR aired an article where they did a study showing it did not keep kids from having sex) is the best option. That helps the problem without aggrivating it (i.e. children having children, STD's etc.)

In fact, If you could show kids pictures of STD's, that'll keep them astinent for a while.

Jemdude said...

Well, this is the reason I originally wanted to limit the discussion to religious minded people. For a non-religious person, the sex education you mention is fine, but it's not suitable for the religious community.

It is true that there are many divorces, but avoiding marriage is not the answer to this problem. The answer is to be better prepared for marriage. One way of doing it is for the young couple and their parents to engage in premarital counseling. In my church, because of the high divorce rate, premarital counseling is compulsory if one wants to marry within the church. It's a series of meetings where they discuss their roles, what to expect, how the parents can help, discuss potential problems, and so on.

Here is what an anonymous former youth pastor has to say on the subject that I saw on another message board:

"I used to be a youth pastor in a large church, and I will tell you why abstinence programs do not work: because God (or if you prefer, Nature) made the human body to reproduce beginning in the teenage years. Around 16 is the healthiest time physically to have a baby; that's also when the hormones telling teenagers to go forth and multiply kick in really hard. To tell a teenager to suppress his or her God-given urges and not have sex till marriage and not get married until they're 25 or 30 is not only utterly unrealistic, it violates the very law that God has put in their hearts.

The church that I was in had the good sense to recognize this and actively promoted young marriages. If a young couple appeared to be getting serious about one another, they were invited to explore their relationship with their parents and the pastors. There was a special 8-week premarital class, and the church made it clear that parents were still expected to help support their married kids while they graduated from high school or college, learned a trade or started a business. Most teen couples continue to live with one set of parents or the other until they could be in financial shape to buy a house, with the parents expected to put up the down payment. And of course having parents around is built-in free child care and marriage counseling.

I'm very happy to say that this program works. I saw probably 10 or 12 teen marriages while I was with this church and only one of them has ended up in divorce. It's amazing what happens when you do things God's way."

I don't agree with them having children at this time, but if they marry, then they can use each other as outlets when the urge for sex comes around. They can still use birth control. And because the sexual activity is taking place within marriage, no Bible or other religious principles are being broken.